I'm a Grinch. Deal.

No matter what your religion is, I'd like to take this opportunity to convey this Season's Greeting:

Bah Humbug. ;)

If you don't want your Chrismas buzz ruined, don't read further.

Maybe it's because I am unaccustomed to sharing Mom's house with outsiders this time of year. Maybe it's because the charm of small children is lost on me. Or perhaps it's because I think about that kid in St. Petersburg with no bones in his arms, who's motivated and driven to do his school work (home-schooling, to be sure), and all he would need to be better equipped for the task would be a laptop his family cannot afford.


Or perhaps it's because the "defend Christmas" crowd is waging their annual full-fledged campaign against... well, people like me. Perhaps it's a combination of all these factors and more. Regardless, if there is a war on Christmas, it's not being waged by the secular left. Honestly, we'd be doing a better job of it. If we were winning the War on Christmas, Michael's wouldn't put up their Xmas displays in freakin' September. 88.5 WMNF wouldn't be drilling all their (independently recorded) Holiday carols and homilies into my head. And the far right wouldn't be exploiting the celebration of their alleged savior's birth to articulate and sell their usual polarizing fare.

Not to go on a tangent (too late), but the left has left us behind, as well. It seems that everyone from the hardcore Democratic establishment to your more grassroots leftists is articulating their positions and programs in terms of What Jesus Would Do, ever since we lost November 2004. This message self-consciously excludes people like me, leaving us constantly in search of a new affiliation. For now, the Greens seem content to leave me alone, and I've been "threatening" to "throw away" my vote on their next presidential candidate for some time. At this point, anyone who is willing to divorce faith from politics already has my ear.


I remember clearly the last Christmas I cared about: 2001. My nuclear family had long since given up on the holiday, and we had moved our celebration to the Winter Solstace, a more historically grounded, and relevant to us, celebration. Even so, I predicted (accurately) that it would be Granddaddy's last Christmas with us, and I knew it would matter more to him and Mom. I was bartending at Red Zone at the time, and Don wanted me to work Christmas day. Let's actually not focus on how stupid it is for a bar to be open that day, and instead focus more on how I quit that shit job so I could see him off. Family trumps all, and that's what it was about for me that year.

Regardless, it's not my holiday. Every time someone or some media outlet tries to ram it down my throat, I choke on it. I think next year, I'll put up Christmas lights that spell out, "Bah Humbug." I begrudge no one their particular holiday, but to me, Christmas is but an empty signifier, representing nothing. It has exactly the same spiritual meaning to me as the month of Ramadan.

To the few Christians who read this, though, I hope you enjoy your holiday. I wish no ill of anyone. Except a few dunces at CitiFinancial. And the reigning neo-cons. To them, I'm all kinds of Grinchy.